ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
PAINFUL STUFF
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has today single-handedly raised the nation’s collective cringe level to an all-time high, after releasing a personal video message to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, congratulating them on their engagement and suggesting New Zealand as the perfect wedding destination.
“Well, Taylor and Travis, a big congratulations on this fantastic news. Getting engaged is such an exciting time,” Luxon began, before pivoting into what sounded less like a heartfelt message and more like a Tourism NZ brochure.
“Now I know you might not be thinking this far ahead, but there would be no better place in the world to have the wedding than here in New Zealand, or even your honeymoon. From Aoraki Mount Cook to the Waitomo Caves, it’s got it all. And Travis, mate—you’d love to catch some rugby while you’re here too!”
Locals around the country were quick to react, with most agreeing that the Prime Minister’s message was less romantic and more embarrassing.
“Mate, I actually had to pause it halfway through,” said Lower Hutt man Sam Jarvis. “It was like watching my dad try to flirt with a waitress at Cobb & Co. Just painful.”
Auckland university student Courtney Lee was equally unimpressed. “The bit where he suggested cliff diving in Queenstown? Taylor Swift isn’t coming here to do the Canyon Swing, bro.”
Even sports fans weren’t sold on Luxon’s angle. “Travis Kelce doesn’t care about the bloody Chiefs vs Highlanders at Forsyth Barr,” said Dunedin local Logan Fraser. “He plays in front of 80,000 every week. He’s not coming here to watch scrum resets and penalties, let alone cricket during the summer.”
Meanwhile, the Swifties of New Zealand appeared horrified at the thought of their idol encountering the Prime Minister. “If she comes here and meets Luxon, I’m moving to Australia,” said one Wellington fan.
As of Thursday afternoon, Tourism NZ was reportedly scrambling to distance themselves from the video, fearing that Luxon’s enthusiasm could undo years of carefully cultivated marketing.
More to come.
