ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
DROUGHT ON THE OCEAN
Chad Wallace, 35, returned from his Labour Weekend fishing trip on Sunday afternoon with an impressive haul of absolutely nothing once again.
Wallace, who recently dropped over $2,000 on a top-of-the-line Shimano fishing setup “guaranteed to change the game,” spent three days on the water achieving results consistent with his previous budget rod, except this time, with more sunburn, debt and shame to his name.
“Mate, it’s not about catching fish really is it? It’s about the experience,” said Wallace, peeling a layer of skin off his nose like a man removing wallpaper. “Plus, the bloke at the shop said pros use this one.” he said, throwing down fish and chips with fish not caught by him.
Wallace spent much of the trip swearing quietly at the horizon while opening and closing the same tackle box for hours at a time. His only confirmed catch was a seagull that briefly tangled in his line before escaping with his sandwich.
“I think the fish were intimidated I guess,” he explained, gesturing proudly at his gleaming rod. “You bring a weapon like this rod into their territory, they know you mean business.”
Friends who joined the expedition confirmed that after 48 hours of “intense angling,” Wallace eventually gave up and bought a scoop of chips and a battered hoki from the Paihia wharf.
“He kept saying the gear’s still ‘dialling in,’” said mate Ben Sullivan. “Then he ordered a second tartare sauce and called it a win.”
Despite catching no fish and getting mild heatstroke, Wallace insists he’s “buzzing for the next trip,” and is already browsing online for a $600 cooler to “complete the setup.”
More to come.
