GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
SLUGGISH
Palmerston North father of two, Bevan Hicks woke up dazed and confused this Easter Monday, with what felt like the result of one two many craft beers the night before.
The 33 year old had not been out drinking with his degenerate mates, but had instead spent a wholesome day with the family, which did include eating a gross amount of chocolate easter eggs.
“Far out, I woke up thinking how did I end up with such a hangover? Surely there’s been some kind of mistake,” said Hicks, trying to rub some of the blurriness out of his eyes.
“Then I remembered eating at least five large easter eggs over the course of the day, and many, many solid little ones as well.
Hicks reportedly felt lethargic, headachey, and generally hard-done-by.
“Mum bought heaps of Easter eggs this year for the kids. They ate a few, but after that there was just all this chocolate sitting there. What else was I going to do?” he asked, as if all his self-control had been put on hold for the Easter weekend.
Mr Hicks concluded that this particular sugar crash felt worse than some of his recent hangovers, claiming that a cooked breakfast may not even cure him.
“Blue Powerade’s going to do nothing for me and my stomach actually feels too sick for bacon and eggs.
“Feel like I need to eat vegetables for two days”.
Sources close to Mr Hicks claim that shortly after our interview, he found another chocolate egg in his bedroom wardrobe, which he ended up eating.
More to come.
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