ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
“LET’S RAISE OUR GLASSES”
Auckland man Jacob Gregg, 31, has delivered what can only be described as a profoundly average best-man speech at the wedding of his longtime mate Lucas Griffiths today.
Despite the breathtaking views and a captivated audience at Mudbrick Vineyard and Restaurant on Waiheke Island. Gregg’s speech failed to take flight, offering a mix of recycled jokes, poorly executed banter, and several long-winded stories that left guests glancing at their watches.
“It felt more like a 21st speech, to be honest,” noted one guest, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid tension in the group chat.
“At one point, he started listing all the times Lucas had been ‘steamed’ and then added, ‘but we probably shouldn’t talk about that in front of the olds.’ It was like he forgot it was a wedding and not a backyard keg session.
Another anonymous guest also spoke to our reporters.
“This guy has been with the bride for six years, but we heard more about his 4th form science class than their relationship,” said another attendee, who admitted they were only half-listening by the time the speech hit the five-minute mark.
After an excruciatingly long pause where he lost his train of thought and nervously sipped his beer, Gregg eventually mumbled, “Anyway, I guess we should probably raise a glass or something,” before gesturing vaguely in the direction of the bride and groom.
The audience, unsure if this was the official toast or just an intermission, hesitated before lifting their glasses in unison, relieved that the ordeal was finally over.
More to come.
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