ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
COUCH COMA
Jackson Brownie, a 32 year-old tradie from Hamilton has once again grossly overestimated his capacity to stay awake past 10pm on a weeknight.
Brownie — who was on the tools since 5:30 am, is expected to nod off sometime during the first half of the Queensland vs NSW rugby league game this evening, likely to be exhausted by a day’s work and the lengthy build up to Origin with Gus Gould.
“Every year I get myself all jacked up for it and look forward to watching the opening game, maybe even watch a bit of the post-match analysis,” said Brownie, while sprawled on his La-Z-Boy with a weighted blanket.
“But by the time they finish belting out Advance Australia Fair and showing shots of the sold out crowd, I’m usually drooling on the armrest. Man, why do they make these kick offs so bloody late?” asked Brownie, yawning and struggling to pay attention.
With the match kicking off at 10:05 pm NZT on a weeknight, which is often delayed until about 10:20 pm once the anthem is done, it is no wonder Brownie and many Kiwis can’t stay awake until the first half is over.
Brownie, who had earlier changed into his maroon jersey and posted “Up the Maroons” to his Instagram story with the fire emoji, is now believed to be “at extreme risk of early snoozing” after a roast dinner and two Export Golds, struggling to coherently answer any more questions from the Whakataki Times.
More to come.
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