GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
MIND OVER MATTER
A Wellington man gave the acting performance of his life in the office earlier this week, as he endured the audible female outrage against famously attractive model and actress Sydney Sweeney.
Sweeney is in hot water for going nude in an ad, something that has apparently never been done before by anyone. The ad was for sports betting, with many female athletes in particular thinking that Sweeney was attempting to represent something other than simply encouraging lads to lose their money on multis.
Jayden Jones was at his desk when the one-sided discussion at the Lambton Quay consultancy unfolded.
“I kept my eyes firmly fixed on my computer screen and I had an email open, deliberately not engaging with the discussion. I had obviously seen the ad a couple of times by this point.
“Laura was saying something about her having a responsibility to be a good role model for girls, and Georgia was saying that she’d dragged women’s sport back half a century,” he said, knowing full well that Sweeney’s ad never had anything to do with women’s sport.
“About a minute in, with my eyes still straight ahead I could begin to feel multiple sets of eyes on me, as I had not said anything at all up until this point. At that moment I nodded three times and made a “mmm” sound to defuse the situation, before I was finally rescued by a Microsoft teams call from a random saviour,” said Jayden, pleased to have made it out of the ordeal unscathed.
Jones said that it was just as well that colleague Ryan was not at his desk at this moment, as the two would most likely have made eye contact and communicated telepathically about the truth of the matter, which would have been unacceptable to his female colleagues.
“Shit it was lucky Ryan wasn’t there. They’d all be watching our micro-expressions like hawks, waiting for us to slip up. They can read the thoughts in the air. We would have been outnumbered six to two with no chance of survival.”
Jayden then managed to hide from his team mates in various office “focus rooms” for the rest of the day.
More to come.
