ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
CASE CLOSED
Sitting on his well-worn stool at his local pub in Shirley, Christchurch, 62-year-old Barry Binstead loudly declared that he could wrap up the Tom Phillips saga “by smoko tomorrow, no worries.”
Phillips, the Marokopa man missing with his three children since December 2021, has recently been linked to two alleged burglaries, the latest occurring on Wednesday at a Piopio superette. But according to Binstead, police are simply “not thinking outside the square.”
“They’ve had three years, millions of dollars, helicopters, drones, all that bloody technology,” Barry explained while squinting at the Stuff article on his cracked Samsung Galaxy. “Me? I’d just get in the Corolla, chuck the dog in the back, and track him down easy as.”
Binstead, who has never worked in law enforcement but did once chase a mate’s escaped goat through Shirley in the late ’90s, believes his approach would be more efficient than the current police operation.
“You’ve gotta think like Tom,” he told the bar, now mostly captive to his theory. “If I was hooning around on a quad bike stealing milk at two in the morning, I’d be hiding out in a woolshed or an old shipping container. That’s where you start. Not these bloody news conferences.”
Patrons report that this isn’t the first time Barry has outlined his plan. “He brings it up every time there’s a new story,” said fellow drinker Wayne Prentice. “Last time it was, ‘I’d smoke him out with a couple of gas bottles and a packet of sausages.’ Before that, it was, ‘Just get the boys from Shirley Rugby Club, job done.’”
Barry insists he would not only capture Phillips but also deliver him to the nearest police station before the kettle boiled. “By smoko, easy. Cops just need to give me the green light. And a bit of petrol money.”
When asked whether he was concerned about Phillips’ history with firearms, Barry waved off the risk. “Mate, he’d take one look at me and pack it in. I’ll smoke Tom Phillips out by smoko tomorrow if the police would let me!”
More to come.
