One Eyed Cantab Stabs Himself In Good Eye After Loss To Fijian Drua

one eyed cantab in hospital with bandage on eye



The one-eyed Cantabrian, Craig Chamberlain has had a rough go of it in recent weeks. After just checking out of the mental institution following the Crusaders’ opening loss to the Chiefs, the man from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley has more recently become the no-eyed Cantab. 

The passionate Crusaders fan unfortunately had a dinner fork in his hand at the moment when the Fijian Drua kicked the winning penalty against the out of form Crusaders. In a moment of white-hot rage Chamberlain abruptly thrust the fork into his non eye-patched eye, forcing wife Sharon drive him to the hospital, leaving his steak and three veggies to go cold on the couch.

The Fijian Drua made history against the reigning champions by kicking a penalty in the last minute of the match. This was after the Crusaders had the lead at half time and then well and truly shit the bed by the 67 minute mark. 

Mrs Chamberlain was understandably annoyed by her now blinded husband. “For god’s sake Craig’s become a bloody liability this year. Either the Crusaders are going to have to turn things around or I’m throwing out the TV,” she said. 

Doctors said that Chamberlain’s vision (in his normally good eye) should return once it’s had time to heal from surgery. However Craig’s eye-patched eye will continue to be blind to everything except the Canterbury Crusaders. 

Chamberlain would not comment on the game or the condition of his eyeball, but it is probably for the best that he won’t be watching any more of the Crusaders for a while.

More to come.

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