One-Eyed Cantab Unclenches Jaw As Mo’unga Confirmed To Start



Proud Cantabrian Greg Normansen has felt a sudden release of pressure as his favourite member of the Crusaders’ backline was named to start for the All Blacks this weekend.

Apart from the general relaxing of every single muscle in his body, all of which had been tight since Ian Foster was reconfirmed as coach, the most significant bodily reaction to the news was Mr Normansen’s jaw unclenching.

“Oh god I’ve been stressed about this team naming all week!”, explained the man as he re-adjusted his eye patch. “Hadn’t realised how hard I’d been chomping my back teeth together all week.

“Feels good to not be physically tense for the first time in several days. What a relief,” sighed the veteran sheep farmer.

“Well, bloody hell I just had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that Foster was going to have a brain explosion and go back to bloody Barrett!

“Look, it was a good win last week. I thought ‘finally a return to normality.’ But I still don’t quite trust Foster yet, I need more time.”

Normansen’s suspicions of Foster came about because of a very poor record this season, where many believe that it was the All Blacks’ final game that saved him from a new life of unemployment.

“I’m expecting another stand out performance from Richie this weekend. He’s just got that cool, collected quality that the ABs need in the 10 position. Barrett’s got great instincts but just not on the same level as our Richie.

“Good to see Foster’s being sensible and leaving Richie where he is. But I better not see any funny business from you Foster! I’ve got my eye on you!” 

More to come.

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