GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
In news that has shocked no-one, the “orange guy” mascot for the New Zealand Electoral Commission has been revealed as a soulless demon servant to Satan himself.
The election season has officially begun as this mysterious creature crawled out of what appeared to be a portal to hell that cracked open on Willis Street in Wellington’s CBD this evening.
With fiery orange skin and dead, soulless eyes, the “orange guy” crawled out from the depths of hell, sending shivers down the spines of those who witnessed the chilling spectacle.
As news of the event spread, panic and confusion gripped the city. For some reason the Electoral Commission, responsible for the promotion of voter enrolment and participation, had chosen this demon to encourage people to engage in the democratic process.
Rumours and conspiracy theories began to circulate as people questioned the true purpose of the Electoral Commission’s mascot. Some believe there may be an unholy alliance between the Electoral Commission and the dark lord himself.
The Commission issued a statement disavowing any knowledge of the true nature of “orange guy”.
“We understand there have been reports of our mascot appearing to be ‘demonic’ in one way or another, however we have no reason to believe that orange guy is a servant of the antichrist”.
As darkness fell over Wellington, locals couldn’t help but feel an unsettling sensation lurking in the shadows. With the election season underway, many are now pondering not only their political choices, but also the unsettling presence of the “orange guy”.
More to come.
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