GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
PEACE OF MIND
A pair of Lower Hutt parents are experiencing a refreshing level of December peace this year after quietly shelving the Elf on a Shelf tradition that nearly broke them last Christmas.
Emma and Josh Taylor, parents of two excitable boys aged four and six, say they are finally able to enjoy the lead-up to Christmas without the nightly panic of remembering to relocate a small plastic elf before the kids wake up.
“Last year was a Christmas nightmare,” said Emma, who still winces at the sound of a tiny bell jingling. “Every night we’d get into bed, relax for thirty seconds, then one of us would bolt upright like, ‘THE ELF!’ It was just a month of stress.”
The Taylors say they started the tradition innocently enough, thinking it would create “wholesome Christmas magic”. What they did not anticipate was the burden of having to create daily narrative arcs for a doll with a fixed facial expression.
“You think it’ll be cute,” said Josh. “But by night eight you’re out of ideas. You’re placing it in a plant or sticking it in a cereal box or making it ‘ride’ the dog. Meanwhile the boys are like, ‘Wow! The elf is so silly!’ and you’re like, ‘Mate, I’m the silly one for doing this to myself’, bloody stupid actually.”
The breaking point reportedly came on December 22nd last year when both parents woke up at 3am and sprinted through the house whisper-swearing because the elf was still sitting in the exact same place as the day before.
“We were ashamed of ourselves,” said Emma. “Not because we forgot, but because we were letting a $17 Kmart doll dictate our lives.”
This year, the couple made the bold decision to simply not mention the elf at all. To their surprise, the children also did not mention it, likely because they were too busy fighting due to severe cases of end-of-year tiredness.
“It’s been bliss,” said Josh, leaning back on the couch with the confidence of a man not responsible for maintaining small-scale festive illusions. “We’ve regained our evenings and our sanity. Christmas is ours again.”
The couple confirmed they would “absolutely not” be bringing the elf back next year.
More to come.
