ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
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Wellington’s public sector is preparing for impact—as David Seymour prepares for his new role, where he will officially have the power to do absolutely nothing different.
Despite the position being mostly ceremonial, government employees are reportedly “deeply, deeply rattled” at the idea of the ACT Party leader looming anywhere near a seat of influence, even if it’s more of a high stool off to the side.
Lucy Biddle, 29, from MBIE, has already used two sick days this week and has scheduled in a handful more after the King’s Birthday weekend.
“I woke up this morning and my Apple Watch said I was stressed. I hadn’t even opened Stuff yet,” she said. “I work in corporate services and somehow still feel under attack,” she said anxiously.
“David Seymour might not pass laws, but he could pass by my desk in a hi-vis vest talking about efficiency. And that’s quite frankly enough.”
Grayson Wilkes, 31, who works for another unnamed government agency (“the one that does the real work”), has also prepared mentally for a Seymour-adjacent workplace apocalypse.
“I know he won’t technically have any power,” said Wilkes, visibly sweating. “But it’s just the idea of him being near power. Like when you see your ex at the supermarket—no threat, but the trauma is real.
“David Seymour might not do anything,” said Wilkes. “But he exists, and that’s quite frankly enough.”
The Public Service Association has issued a reminder that no actual policy changes can be enacted by a Deputy PM without Cabinet approval, but have also quietly asked staff to avoid watching any interviews with Seymour in full HD.
More to come.
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