ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
PERFECTLY AVERAGE
A new report has stunned New Zealanders by confirming that Jetstar is not uniquely terrible, but is instead just doing the same annoying things as every other airline does, such as Air New Zealand.
“People like to act as though Jetstar invented flight delays,” said lead researcher Gavin Wilson. “But Air NZ has been delaying flights quietly and professionally for decades. They just do it in nicer fonts.”
The findings also revealed that Jetstar is, in fact, a budget airline, a detail the report says many passengers forget the moment they’re asked to pay for food onboard. “There’s this shock every time,” Wilson explained. “Someone will say, ‘What do you mean the coffee isn’t free?’ Mate, the ticket was $59”
Wilson also addressed frequent complaints about Jetstar closing bag drop early, explaining that this usually occurs because passengers have arrived late to the airport.
“If you miss bag drop, that’s not a system failure, that’s a time failure on you” Wilson said. “That’s you not understanding how clocks work. Air New Zealand does the same, but they just don’t cop as much heat.”
Jetstar spokesperson Sarah James said expectations were often “wildly out of proportion.” “You didn’t pay for luxury,” she said. “You paid to arrive somewhere eventually. And usually, that does happen.”
Air New Zealand was also named in the report as an airline that cancels flights for reasons ranging from bad weather to ‘operational reasons,’ which experts describe as “a phrase that means ‘we can’t be bothered explaining this.’”
At press time, both airlines were experiencing minor delays due to weather, staffing, aircraft availability, and the fact that it is a busy holiday time of year for travellers.
More to come.
