ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
WE GET IT, YOU’RE FIT
A 34-year-old man running shirtless through Hagley Park has failed to turn any heads this afternoon, despite his best efforts.
Jake Wedlock, a recreational jogger from St Albans, was halfway through what he described as a “gruelling” 7 km loop around Hagley Park, when he decided to peel off his moisture-wicking sports singlet and expose his glistening torso to Christchurch.
“It was just so hot, and I thought, y’know, I’ve been hitting the gym kinda consistently for like, four weeks now,” Wedlock told reporters, panting and visibly salty, both from sweat and perceived lack of attention.
“I thought maybe a few people might notice the progress — especially the upper chest and the faint signs of an ab coming through.”
Unfortunately, the only noticeable thing was the way Jake’s shirt dangled from his waistband like a sad, sweaty flag of misplaced confidence.
Local passerby Elaine Morton, 67, who was walking her miniature schnauzer, had front-row seats to Wedlock’s torso reveal.
“I thought he might have been having a heat stroke,” she said. “Then I realised he just wanted people to look at him. But we didn’t.”
Wedlock persisted with his topless crusade for the remaining 5kms, occasionally throwing in an exaggerated sidestep to dodge slow-moving tourists and forcing his breathing into loud, deliberate exhales he hoped would sound athletic.
“I just thought I’d get a bit more of a reaction, maybe a nod from a fellow runner or a double-take from someone at a café,” said Jake, who appeared to genuinely believe he was operating on a Zac Efron level of allure.
More to come.
This story was brought to you by NZHL’s most switched on mortgage advisors. Take back control of your current mortgage or get advice on how to get your first home loan.
