Single Millennial Maintains Valentine’s Is A Fake Holiday And Is Happy Being Alone

woman eating chocolate, thinking of valentines gifts



32 year old Josie Warden has hardened her position on the polarising Valentine’s holiday debate, characterising the day as a scam perpetuated by the chocolate and flower industries.

The senior marketing manager at JSI (Just Sell It) also maintained, without any prompting at all, that she was totally fine and happy with her life with no significant other.

“Look, this is obvious, right? No one actually wants this so-called ‘holiday’. It just creates an unnecessary expectation for people to buy stuff,” she explained while appearing totally fine.

“And to make things worse, people are placed under this extra pressure of being made to feel guilty if they don’t buy into the whole thing. So stupid, haha.”

Warden paused for a moment to eat another chocolate that she had bought for herself, which she insists had nothing to do with what day of the year it was.

“What? I buy chocolate for myself at least once a week. Who cares?

“Conforming to this cis-normative societal expectation to ‘couple up’ and live some kind of idealistic life is just so outdated,” said Ms. Warden, who now had visible chocolate on her mouth, due to the rate with which she was consuming it.

“I’m perfectly happy by myself. I can always count on me. I can never let me down. Why would I need anyone else?”

After having more chocolate, Warden then took to the social media platform, ‘X’ (formerly Twitter) to make her views known to her carefully curated echo chamber.

More to come. 

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