Still No Announcement From Government As Whole Press Gallery Dies Of Old Age

press gallery full of skeletons



As the country waits for the government’s latest announcement of an announcement about vaccine mandates, we are sad to report that every single journalist in the press gallery has passed away today, due to natural causes. 

It’s a dark day in the government’s covid response, with the time spent waiting for an announcement proving to be more deadly than the virus itself. 

Whakataki non-journalist James Jacobsen believes that if the government was able to be open and transparent in a more time-efficient manner, dozens of lives could have been saved. “It’s just such a shame that they insist on dragging these things out forever. So many good journalists’ lives have gone to waste senselessly.  

“I see what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to create suspense for the country, but all they’ve succeeded in creating is irritation and suspicion”, explained the amateur media analyst.

The prime minister recently stated that “no one will be fundamentally worse off as a result of the Government delaying until Wednesday before the decisions are announced”, but it would be fair to say that the 20 + recently-deceased journalists would have to disagree. 

The Whakataki Times did not seek further comment on the recent tragedy, and has decided to stop following up on the government’s eventual announcement, as we can’t afford to lose any reporters to natural causes. 

More to come.

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