GORDON LIGHTFOOT | World
“GAHHH, MY SPY BALLOON!”
Liang Rubo, CEO of Bytedance, was spitting tacks today as he heard the news that his TikTok spy balloon had been neutralised by an American fighter jet.
Liang’s company has been spying on teenage girls of the West since 2017, via the TikTok app that encourages them to share repetitive dance videos. Not satisfied with the personal information he was able to gather for the CCP, he expanded ByteDance’s scope beyond social media and into the untapped niche of “balloon based spying”.
“Gahh come on, that was my spy balloon!” he complained while watching the coverage on the news. “That thing was expensive!
“Ah man, President Xi’s not gonna be happy with me.”
In utter disbelief about what had happened, Liang continued to moan to our reporters. “I mean, who shoots down a balloon with a fighter jet, right? Like, there’s weather balloons everywhere, they’re so common, why would they even think it’s a spy balloon?
“I mean, to be fair, it was a spy balloon, but still, far out…”
Liang then cut the interview very short, likely in an attempt to make himself disappear before President Xi does.
More to come.
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