GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
FRIGHT NIGHT
The Greens’ Chlöe Swarbrick gave ACT’s David Seymour an early scare this week, when she paid him a visit wearing her finance minister Halloween costume a few days early.
Swarbrick’s mostly symbolic costume consisted of a stylish pants suit and a name badge saying “Chlöe Swarbrick: Finance Minister”, which she accessorised by holding a printed book titled “Chlöe’s Whacky Economics Ideas”.
Seymour was on the ground at his Auckland home sweating and hyperventilating when he was found by authorities.
“It was like a horror movie,” he told reporters, still shaking. “The tax, ohh the endless tax on small business people and property owners. I just got this vision that the streets were flooded with the blood of innocent landlords.”
Seymour explained the menacing nature of his unexpected visitor.
“She just stood there in her dark green pants suit, smiling. The maniacal smile of a psychopath. The words on her name badge ‘Chlöe Swarbrick: Finance Minister’ will remain etched into my brain for eternity,” said the ACT leader as he finally managed to calm down.
Swarbrick’s whereabouts are apparently unknown, as the last thing Seymour remembers was blacking out.
“I didn’t see her leave and I didn’t see where she went. I don’t remember anything. What if she disappeared into my house somewhere,” he said as his blood pressure began to elevate once more.
“Oh god, she’s going to haunt me. What should I do? Do I need a priest to come and do an exorcism?” said the Deputy Prime Minister before running for his life.
Parliamentary Services released a statement saying that they care about Minister Seymour’s wellbeing, and have sent him an email reminding him to reach out to EAP.
More to come.
