Two “Undrinkable” Coke Flavours To Be Replaced With One “Very Undrinkable” Flavour

Man disgusted by coke zero drinks



Coca-Cola has announced that the flavours Coke Zero and Coke No Sugar, will be discontinued and replaced by Coke Zero Sugar. 

The news makes no difference for local sweet tooth Brett Jacobson though, who has called sugar-free fizzy drinks “a pointless waste of time”. 

“Two hollow, empty-tasting drinks replaced with one new one. I bet it still has that same familiar feeling of dissatisfaction.

“The reason they can’t get the flavour right with sugar free drinks is because they don’t have any sugar in them,” Jacobson smugly explained. 

“When you get a craving for sugar, do you know what will satisfy that craving? Sugar! Not ‘No Sugar’! It’s amazing that I have to spell this out.

“Maybe it’s just me, but I do not get the obsession with these soulless drinks. Because the times I’ve had them, it’s been like ‘okay, I feel like some sugar, I’ll drink a Coke Zero, still feel like some sugar, I’ll have some more Coke Zero, give myself a headache, and then still feel like some sugar, drive to the dairy and end up smashing a family block of Whitakers Creamy Milk”, complained the unblinking enemy of the low calorie drink industry. 

“You’re just delaying your bad eating habits”. 

The Whakataki Times reporters attempted to explain to Mr Jacobson that many people find low calorie fizzy drinks to be a good option for people who want a sweet treat but without the empty calories.   

“Empty calories?! I’d rather have empty calories than an empty taste. Empty and dead inside. 

“Just have water! Save yourself a headache! Then when you want a treat have the real thing and enjoy it!”

More to come.

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