MIRACLE ON THE STRAIT
CORDELIA URCHINS | National
Kaitaki, The Interislander’s largest vessel and New Zealand’s most expensive floating escape room, has reportedly completed a full round trip without complications.
One passenger described the voyage as “eerily smooth”, while another added “you could almost mistake it for a functional vessel”.
Captain Drew Donald said “I want to offer my sincere apologies for the unfamiliar efficiency of the boat. We will be resuming our usual schedule of mishaps, catastrophes and setbacks as soon as possible”
Kaitaki joined the Interislander fleet in 2005. Other vessels include Aratere, Kaiarahi, Crash, Bang and Wallop.
The calamitous watercraft has previously been plagued by power cuts, strandings and spells of listless floating without propulsion. So what’s changed?
Chief Engineer, Brian Davis said “To put it simply- the gaffer tape and PVA glue holding the ferry together is performing remarkably well.”
The company has also made a series of upgrades, including ‘easy mode’ for drivers, in which a pair of bowling alley barriers prevent the boat from veering into various landmasses.
Head of Communications for Interislander, Vicky Rogers wants to reassure passengers. She said “All of our drivers have completed thorough navigation and eyesight tests. We’re relieved to report they all failed with flying colours.”
“We hope to prove that maritime travel isn’t something to be endured, but something to be feared.”
More to come.
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