Wannabe Influencer Struggling With The Fact That He’s Not A Hot Girl With A Good iPhone

Man not hot girl screaming at phone


Ben Aplin, 26, is grappling with the fact that he will fail to make any ground on his new Instagram account, as he is simply not a hot girl with a decent iPhone.

The graphic designer from Wellington explained his frustration about the stagnant state of his social media status to the Whakataki Times.

“It’s been a grim start. I followed a whole bunch of people with the hope of a few follow-backs, but there’s been pretty much nothing. But these girls have followers in the thousands? They haven’t even been to uni!” said a dejected Aplin who is still seemingly ignorant that nobody would ever follow his account that has a total of 0 followers, and only one uploaded picture from his well-worn 2017 iPhone 8 .

The Whakataki Times spoke to Hayley Baxter, 22, who hails from Remuera, an affluent suburb in Auckland, about how she effortlessly gained her influencer status.

“Well you’d want to be posting the classic caption ”Hot dogs or legs?” on a post of your overly tanned legs whilst at a prominent beach. That’s always a guaranteed 800 plus likes for me, along with some quick follows,” Baxter said with brimming confidence, while showing reporters the like and follow count on her very new iPhone 13.

“Plus, nothing like a full on bikini shot at Mission Bay with the caption ‘Life’s a beach’. That usually gets me a barrage of flame emoji replies from my 4,677 followers, plus a few Super Rugby players sliding into my DMs,” said Baxter, who also only follows 312 people and is absolutely nobody of notoriety. 

Aplin, who has no bio and goes by the user name designguy96, was still seemingly bamboozled as to why he has suddenly not become a prominent influencer on Instagram.

“I’ve followed some people, I’ve put up a picture. Build it and they will come, don’t they say? Oh well, you can’t be an overnight celebrity I guess. Surely the followers will come after a while won’t they?”, questioned Aplin, who was now completely out of touch with reality.

Reporters tried seeking further comment from Hayley Baxter, but upon opening their Instagram apps, all they saw was a photo of her in a revealing sports bra with a freshly made smoothie, looking like she was all of a sudden some sort of qualified nutritionist.

More to come.

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