ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Politics
BRING BACK BUCK
Winston Peters has promised to buy back the Bank of New Zealand and offer Buck the Kiwibank Sheep a fresh start, following growing concerns the mascot has become too sexy for the New Zealand banking sector.
The NZ First leader announced the proposal after Buck became the centre of an international free speech controversy, with Kiwibank reportedly issuing copyright infringement notices to people sharing images of the woolly mascot in sexually suggestive situations.
The controversy reached millions overseas after comedian John Oliver covered the saga on Last Week Tonight, prompting renewed questions about whether New Zealand’s reputation for being a country that doesn’t want to have sex with sheep had been irreparably damaged.
Peters said the situation was precisely why New Zealand needed to reclaim control of its banking sector.
“First, they sold our bank. Now they’ve got a sheep running around the internet looking like it belongs on the cover of a magazine, and people are being threatened with legal action for no good reason. Bloody wokesters at Kiwibank,” Peters said.
“I can tell you right now, if New Zealand First gets the chance, we’ll buy back BNZ and put Buck on the payroll. That sheep’s been working harder than half the people running these bloody banks anyway.”
A BNZ spokesperson said the bank would be open to discussing employment opportunities with Buck, provided the mascot could demonstrate an ability to work professionally in a financial environment with her wool dyed an appropriate blue and gold.
“We welcome all applicants who share our commitment to helping New Zealanders achieve their financial goals, regardless of their previous employer’s views on their online image.”
Peters concluded that Buck under BNZ would be given a chance.
“Under our government, Buck won’t be cancelled, censored or sent to the abattoir of corporate communications. She will be given a desk, a salary and a fair go.”
“We’re not going to discriminate against a sheep because somebody in a marketing department thinks she’s become too sexy and Kiwis can’t handle it.”
More to come.
