General news | The Whakataki Times

Top general news story

man walking in suburbia thinking about petrol pump

PETROL PRICE CRISIS: Local Man Walks Ten Minutes To Dairy Instead Of Driving

March 13, 2026

SIDEWALK SAVINGS

police officer smiling in front of two corrupt police officers.

Local Cop Quite Keen For His Bosses To Not Break The Law And Try To Disgracefully Cover It Up

November 13, 2025

greens with their keffiyehs and laundry pile.

Swarbrick And The Greens In Need Of New Team Kit Now That There’s Peace In The Middle East

October 14, 2025

Luxon’s PR Team Making AI Version Of Him That Seems More Human

September 29, 2025

Leigh Hart with Christopher Luxon and Taylor Swift

Leigh Hart Sick And Tired Of Getting Confused With Bloke Who Keeps Pesting Taylor Swift

September 3, 2025

Luxon with Taylor Swift Travis Kelce pic

Luxon Desperately Trying To Sell A New Zealand House To Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce

September 1, 2025

More general news

Local Man Who Somehow Failed His Full Licence Feels Cheated By New Changes

February 3, 2026

U-TURN.

Leigh Hart thinking about getting kidnapped by Trump and army

Leigh Hart Clarifies That He’s Not Christopher Luxon Just in Case Trump’s Planning A Kidnap

January 14, 2026

DOPPELGANGER DANGER.

trump with helicopter and luxon hiding under covers

Trump Still Hasn’t Ruled Out Coming To New Zealand In The Middle Of The Night To Kidnap Luxon

January 13, 2026

KEEPING OPTIONS OPEN.

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Less recent general news

man having beer at pub, thinking about Tom Phillips

Old Boy At The Pub Says He’d Have Tom Phillips In Handcuffs By Smoko Tomorrow

August 29, 2025

CASE CLOSED.

Luxon video screenshot of him congratulating taylor swift.

Luxon’s Video To Taylor Swift Sends New Zealand’s Cringe Level To Dangerous New High

August 27, 2025

Polling Shows Surge In Support For Snackachangi Chip Guy As Preferred Prime Minister

August 11, 2025

leight hart as chris luxon standing in front of leight hart's speed cooking.

Prime Minister Replaces NCEA Food Tech With High-Pressure Speed Cooking Exam

August 5, 2025

Revolutionary New School Exams Will Give Students Scores Based On Their Performance

August 4, 2025

The Whakataki Times – hard-hitting journalism.

Quite old general stories

Shortland Street pic with headline about funding

Essential TV Programme That Everyone Watches Thankfully Saved By Taxpayers

August 3, 2025

PHEW, THAT WAS CLOSE.

Local Bloke Would Rather Be Hit By Tsunami Than Get Another Civil Defence Alert

July 31, 2025

Peter Jackson with Smaug the dragon and two moa

MORE THAN THE MOA: Peter Jackson Now Wants To Genetically Engineer Smaug The Dragon

July 13, 2025

Golriz Relieved To Exit Restaurant Without Being Asked To Empty Handbag

July 10, 2025

Wellingtonian’s Social Credit Score Through The Roof After Debuting New Book Purchase On Train

July 10, 2025

Sam Neill thinking about moa in paddock.

New Zealand Determined To Start Incredibly Average Version Of Jurassic Park

July 9, 2025

Media Reveal “Prominent New Zealander” Is Male, Finally Ruling Out Suzy Cato

July 3, 2025

man confidently smirking at phone on couch.

Local Bloke In The Group Chat Definitely Reckons He Knows Who The Prominent New Zealander Is

June 30, 2025

Leigh Hart outside Johnsonville Mall with his snackachangi chips

NOBODY HOME: Leigh Hart’s One Chip For Every Kiwi Hits Snag at Johnsonville Mall

June 27, 2025

“Middle Of The North Island” Easier Than Explaining Where The Hell Te Kūiti Is

June 24, 2025

BUDGET 2025: $0 Allocated To Promote Hamilton As Tourist Destination

May 22, 2025

EDITORIAL STANDARDS: Stuff Now Requiring Every Article To Include At Least One C-Bomb

May 19, 2025

EARNING BACK TRUST.

Man Describes Flavours He’s Detecting In Craft Beer Whether Friends Want To Hear It Or Not

May 15, 2025

OOH THAT’S HOPPY.

two fighters outside orana park thinking of gorilla

Christchurch’s Orana Wildlife Park Inundated With Men Wanting To Fight Their Gorillas

May 8, 2025

ALPHA MALE MAYHEM

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