ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Politics
THAT GUY
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon today shocked the nation by unveiling his ambitious plan to bring back the iconic SportsCafe, which he starred in, by the year 2030.
Luxon declared that reviving this relic of the late 90s and early 2000s was a top priority for his government.
“SportsCafe was a cultural touchstone for so many New Zealanders,” he declared, eyes gleaming with nostalgia. “It brought us together as a nation to celebrate our love of sport and having a laugh about it. Time for us to stop being such a negative, wet and whiny country.”
The plan, according to Luxon, involves a massive government-funded effort to resurrect SportsCafe in all its glory. This includes resuming his role as ‘That Guy’ and tracking down original hosts like Marc Ellis and Lana Coc-kroft, something the Prime Minister has made a priority.
“Let’s not forget Ric Salizzo and Eva Evguenieva, who was also known as “Eva The Bulgarian from memory,” said Luxon, feeling very in touch with everyday New Zealanders and the man on the street.
“And Ralph the gimp needs to come back if we want to get this country back on track”.
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