ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
ALPHA MALE MAYHEM
The latest internet debate has taken a bizarre turn, and it’s causing havoc at the Orana Wildlife Park in Christchurch.
“We’ve had more calls in the past 24 hours than we’ve had in the last month,” said Kelly Tate, Orana Wildlife Park’s zookeeper. “It’s absolutely insane. Men are calling non-stop, insisting that 100 of them can totally take on one of our gorillas. What is going on?”
Men from all walks of life are convinced they’re the ones who can bring down the mighty beast, despite gorillas being up to ten times stronger than humans and carrying up to twice the muscle mass. A viral internet question has been doing the rounds over the past week, asking if 100 men could take down a gorilla.
Our reporters were outside Orana Wildlife Park as groups of men began to make their way to the front gate, most of them wearing well worn Crusaders jerseys.
“I bench 120 kilos, so what’s a gorilla? A couple of us will distract it, while the rest of us go for the knees,” said Mark “The Tank” Johnson, a 32-year-old from Lincoln.
“We’ve done worse on the rugby field. A gorilla’s just a big bloke with a lot of hair. We’ve got the upper hand,” he insisted, oblivious to the fact he would be close to death if he tried to take on a gorilla.
The staff at Orana Park, however, were less than impressed, with zookeeper Kelly again pleading with men to stop turning up at the zoo. “This is getting out of control,” she said
“These men have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. Gorillas are not to be messed with. Why do men insist on these kinds of stupid things?”
While the group’s men continued their confident banter, Orana Park’s staff remained resolute in their stance. “We’re here to protect these animals, not put on a fight night. Honestly, can we just get back to internet questions like if the dress was white and gold or black and blue?”
More to come.
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