ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
‘BACK IN AUCKLAND’
31 year old Jake Johnston from New Lynn in Auckland has come under fire recently for repeatedly assuring new acquaintances in Wellington that he’s not like other Aucklanders at all.
“Yeah nah I just don’t relate to Auckland anymore, I’m not like other Aucklanders” he lied, while sipping a long black and subtly mentioning that he once worked at Saatchi & Saatchi. This was after going a few minutes without mentioning Auckland FC’s recent A-League success.
Johnston had recently moved to the capital city and spent most of his first few weeks explaining how he’s just not like everyone else from his home city.
Friends and colleagues of Jake have already grown accustomed to his Auckland-ness, despite him moving to a totally new city.
“He’ll start by saying something vague like, “Auckland just wasn’t doing it for me anymore,” said new acquaintance Georgia. “Then five minutes later, he’s talking about some of the Wellington restaurants that don’t compare to anything in Ponsonby or that Cuba Street is nothing like K-Road”.
Jake then doubled down on how he simply wasn’t like other Aucklanders.
“I haven’t started every conversation with “Back in Auckland…but I was more meaning Oriental Parade doesn’t really compare to Mission Bay,” he said, dressed in RM Williams and a linen shirt.
The final straw came during a group conversation about regional pride, when Johnston referred to the Bombay Hills as “basically the natural border between Auckland and real New Zealand.”
Johnston is currently living in the suburb of Mount Cook and has already told several people he chose it because it reminded him of “Grey Lynn, back when it was still cool.”
More to come.
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