ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
BIG SHIFT AHEAD
Flynn Johnson, 31, from Christchurch has boldly announced that 2025 will be the year he finally completes an entire Swappa Crate of 12 Speight’s, a task he has attempted annually and failed each time so far.
Surrounded by mates who have witnessed more of his failures than successes, Flynn made the declaration on Saturday afternoon while carefully rearranging the bottles in his crate.
“This is my year, boys,” he said, tapping the top of the crate like an All Black captain briefing the team. “New mindset. New me. No more tapping out after bottle eight because I ‘need fresh air’”.
The group nodded politely, having heard a variation of this speech every summer since 2011.
“Last year he got to seven beers and said his throat was ‘closing up’,” recalled long-time friend Matt Lawson. “Most likely he scoffed a pie too quickly. But we all had to sit outside with him for an hour while he breathed through his nose like he was giving birth.”
Another mate, Aaron McLeod, was less optimistic.
“Flynn’s the only bloke I know who pre-plans an Irish exit from his own crate day,” he said. “He’ll be halfway through number five before he gives it the whole ‘I might lie down for a bit to recharge’. Then we find him asleep under a towel.”
At the time of press Flynn was looking weary and slurring his words on bottle number four.
More to come.
