ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Politics
POLL POSITION
A group of frustrated National MPs have reportedly begun developing an AI agent designed to be “more likeable, more responsive, and less repetitive than the Prime Minister (or anyone else in National)”.
The project, known internally as “Project: Just Answer the Question”, was allegedly sparked after another week of leadership speculation and a press conference where Christopher Luxon confirmed multiple times that he has “full support of my caucus,” without going into detail.
“I’m confident I have the numbers,” Luxon told our reporters today.
Asked what numbers, he replied: “The numbers that show I have the numbers.”
Pressed further, he added: “I talk to my caucus all the time. I’m very confident I have the full support of my caucus.”
He then nodded, settling the matter once and for all.
Inside National, patience appears to be running low. One MP described the new AI prototype as “emotionally available and statistically more coherent than half our morning meetings.”
Another National Party insider said: “We just wanted something that doesn’t answer every question like it’s a loyalty oath. Hopefully this prototype will actually give our caucasus enough confidence to replace Luxon with it”
Early versions of the AI reportedly include several personality settings:
“Soft Reassurance Mode” – answers questions calmly and directly
“Campaign Mode” – avoids answering anything at all, but sounds confident doing it
“Luxon Simulation Mode” – responds to every question with: “I’m very confident I have the full support of my caucus.”
A senior MP, watching the briefing, was asked what the AI might improve.
“Look,” he said, “at this point, we’d settle for something that answers a question without sounding like it’s buffering.”
More to come.
