GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
POLICY OVERLAP
Prime Minister Chris Luxon and Labour leader Chris Hipkins have finally realised their shared love of power and disdain for New Zealanders make them perfect for each other.
The two Chris’s have performed the legendary “fusion dance”, fusing their bodies and souls together to become the 7 foot tall, 250 kilo juggernaut, “CHRIS LUXKINS”.
It is believed that with polls for both National and Labour in decline, and the country’s growing desire to vote for gross minor parties, the two major party leaders were left with no other option.
“CHRIS like votes. Give CHRIS votes now!” grunted the hulking creature at its first press conference.
“Puny whiny New Zealanders want low cost of living. CHRIS want more AI and digital ID!”
One journalist at the press conference was picked up and thrown 20 metres by the goliath after asking about electricity prices.
“NO ELECTRICITY FOR YOU!” roared LUXKINS, who insists on his name being spelt in all caps because he’s massive.
Now that there is only one major party in New Zealand politics, which some are calling “Natbour”, voters are expected to look to the edges for nationalists, populists and champagne socialists for some kind of hope this election.
“NO MORE ELECTION! Give crown to CHRIS now, stupid New Zealanders,” it roared as it brought the press conference to an end, chasing screaming journalists out of the press gallery and towards Lambton Quay.
More to come.
