GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
CLUTCH PERFORMANCE
A second-year Vic Uni student has credited a late-night pie and can of V from the Night ‘n Day Courtenay Place in Wellington, for what he described as a “pretty solid B-minus” on an assignment he started just hours before it was due.
20 year old Josh Carter said the decision to leave his flat at 12.40am was not taken lightly, but ultimately proved to be the turning point in what he is now calling “one of the better academic recoveries of the trimester.”
“I’d sort of just hit a wall,” said Josh, reflecting on his master-stroke idea. “Was staring blankly at the screen, nothing really happening. Then I thought, nah, I just need a pie and a blue V to get inside me and we’re back on.”
He confirmed he selected a steak and cheese pie and 250mL V (flavoured the colour blue), describing the combination as “elite” and “exactly what the body needed at that hour.”
“Once I’d had a few bites and a couple sips, things just started flowing,” he said looking up triumphantly. “Not saying it wrote the essay for me, but it definitely got me into a zone where I started making some good points.”
Mr Carter said the rest of the assignment came together quickly, finishing just before the 9am deadline, with what he believed was “a strong enough argument under the conditions.”
“I knew it wasn’t gonna be an A or anything,” he said. “But B-minus is fair. Solid pass, which you happily take.”
Flatmate Nick Henare, who witnessed the return from Night ‘n Day, said Carter’s confidence increased noticeably after the purchase.
“He walked back in like he’d just solved something,” said Nick. “Sat down, cracked the V, and then he’s just typing stuff without pausing. Was actually impressive from him.”
University staff declined to comment on the role of convenience store nutrition in academic performance, but confirmed Carter’s result had been formally recorded.
Josh says he will not need the same strategy next time an assignment is set, claiming that he will “get onto it early”, unaware of the lie he had unwittingly just told.
More to come.
