GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
EATING THEIR FEELINGS
A Taxpayers Union Curia poll has caused a stir this afternoon, with the waistlines of the prime minister and opposition leader the biggest losers.
Christopher Luxon and opposition leader Chris “Chippy” Hipkins both received poor poll results today and have been seen taking their frustrations out on multiple meat-filled pastries. Hipkins, who famously enjoys a saussie roll when he’s on the road, cooked up a storm in the parliament kitchen today, while time-strapped, budget-conscious Luxon brought along his homemade marmite sandwiches.
“It’s just one poll,” said Hipkins as he murdered his third sausage roll, sending flakes of pastry flying. “We’re in this election to win it,” he said diligently.
Luxon, who had just had one sausage roll so far, was now hacking into one of his marmite-filled morsels, which he had made himself this morning before work.
“We don’t tend to look into polls too much. We’re focused on delivering for New Zealanders and getting the economy back on track,” he recited from memory, flawlessly.
Labour received a disappointing 25.9% support today, while National was not much better with 29%. The poll meanwhile has been called “rogue” by anyone who happens to feel like it doesn’t fit their worldview.
“It’s a rogue poll that means nothing,” the two leaders agreed as they each chased a carbohydrate-fuelled dopamine spike.
Opportunity leader Quilae Wong also took a hit in the poll, presumably after people figured out how much she’d like to tax them if given the chance. Despite the 4.5% result, Wong said she’d still be happy to work with either of the two men stuffing their faces in the parliament kitchen.
More to come.
