TikTok Filthy That America Shot Down Their Spy Balloon

Man facepalming in front of tiktok balloon

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | World “GAHHH, MY SPY BALLOON!” Liang Rubo, CEO of Bytedance, was spitting tacks today as he heard the news that his TikTok spy balloon had been neutralised by an American fighter jet. Liang’s company has been spying on teenage girls of the West since 2017, via the TikTok app that encourages them […]

Christchurch Dad Welcomes The Hot Weather By Thrashing Kids With New Super Soaker

grown man with large super soaker

KASSIE MACKAY | Culture SUN’S OUT GUNS OUT, KIDS! As Christchurch temperatures entered the 30s this morning, local dad Damian “Damo” Burns was chomping at the bit to test his brand new Super Soaker on sons Aaron, 9, and Phoenix, 7. Full-time IT salesperson and part-time responsible caregiver, Damo, was feeling optimistic when he purchased […]

Ed Sheeran Becomes The Most Ginger Person To Play At The Cake Tin Since Paul Tito

Paul Tito running the ball up the guts, with Ed Sheeran playing guitar in foreground.

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture  A-TEAM English singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran is used to making records, but tonight he is breaking them in Wellington. Tonight, Sheeran becomes the most ginger person to play at Sky Stadium, Wellington’s premier sporting arena, affectionately known as ‘The Cake Tin’. The redhead has now surpassed former Hurricanes stalwart Paul Tito, who […]

Australian Drongo Bird Annoyed About Being Lumped In With New Zealand Media

drongo bird giving press conference with wayne brown in foreground

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “STONE THE FLAMIN’ CROWS!” A prominent bird in Australia has had his feathers ruffled in recent days, after finding out that his species’ name was being used as a slur to describe New Zealand journalists.  Daz the spangled drongo gave a statement to the Australian press this afternoon. “Maaate, this is […]

BACK TO SCHOOL:  Epsom Girls Grammar Student Sails The Family Yacht To School

Epsom girls student sailing boat at school

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture  NO DADDY’S MASERATI, NO PROBLEM Millie Boyce, 16, wasn’t going to let the remainder of Auckland’s floods get in her way from arriving at school in style. Boyce, who lives in Epsom, is usually dropped off to Epsom Girls Grammar School by her father in his Maserati, which he drives to […]

“BUGGER OFF DRONGOS”: Journalist Hit By Old Man With Tennis Racket

wayne brown hitting journalist with tennis racket

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture  BACKHAND GAME STRONG A journalist is slightly worse for wear this afternoon after getting a backhand of sorts from Auckland Mayor Wayne Brown. Brown, who enjoys his tennis, was his grumpy old self as journalists gathered at his local tennis club, seeking more comment from him about his response to Auckland’s […]

LIFE GOES ON: Undeterred By Flooding, Auckland Teen Ramraids Dairy In Motorboat

boat in dairy

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National RESILIENCE Amid all the destruction in Auckland at the moment due to unprecedented flash flooding over the weekend, one teen showed us that it would take more than a bit of rain to slow him down.  Dylan Mathieson, 15, refused to let flooding get in the way of his goals yesterday, […]

Auckland Dad Who Usually Says “We Needed This Rain” Now Very Quiet

man in front of flooded road

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National DOSE OF REALITY Auckland dad Simon Johnson is usually quite vocal about how he believes a good downpour of rain is needed for his garden at his Takapuna home. However after witnessing Auckland’s torrential flooding over the past 48 hours, the 46 year-old father of two has been uncharacteristically quiet. “Usually […]