Local Mum Interrupts All Blacks Game To Ask Husband And Son Whether Dan Carter’s Playing
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport Whakataki mother of three, Vicki Matthews has embarrassed herself over the weekend by demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge about New Zealand’s national game. “Ohhhh God Vicki!” Husband Daryl’s and son Michael’s heads dropped into their hands, as Vicki asked them whether Dan Carter, who hasn’t played for the All Blacks […]
Quiet Guy In The Office Makes A Splash With Large-Scale Purchase Of Christmas Cookies
Dave Gallagher isn’t used to causing this much of a stir. The 47 year-old credit controller from Hamilton’s Data-Corp was the toast of the office today, with his spontaneous purchase of 1.2kg of CookieTime Christmas Cookies. “Make it four!” yelled the now office legend, reaching for four 300 g buckets, one of each of the […]
Local Woman Forgets Reusable Shopping Bags Again, Adds Another Tier To The Pile In The Garage
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local NOT HER DAY. Whakataki local Olivia Bancroft should be approached with caution this morning. “Oh every fuckin time! I’m sick of this shit!” screeched the 43 year-old as the supermarket doors nearly slid on her. Her sudden outburst caught the ears of the Whakataki Times reporters, who kept their distance while […]
Cross-fit Gym Cancels Bloke’s Membership After His Repeated Failure To Post Workout Pics On Instagram
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Editor Whakataki fitness enthusiast Jayden Connolly, 29, has been unceremoniously dumped by his crossfit gym, Fit Freak Elite, for essentially not fitting the profile of the average crossfitter. According to an email from Fit Freak Elite, Connolly had failed to meet the expectation that he give the gym free social media exposure […]
Rangitoto Island Mentally Prepares Himself For Another Summer Of Tedious Mission Bay Instagram Stories
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Rangitoto Island has had another dose of déjà vu today. It came about after 20 year-old Ruby Walters tagged him in her hastily uploaded photo to Instagram. ‘Ughhh” he sighed while talking to the Whakataki Times reporters. “Ruby Walters? Who the hell is that? Oh geez, not that caption”, as he […]
Blue Powerade Consumed As Sports Drink, Dubbed a First For New Zealand
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local news “But he’s not even hungover!” On Sunday morning Whakataki local Ben Fenton, 28, purchased and consumed a 750mL “Mountain-blast” flavoured Powerade, not because he was viciously hungover from the night before, but because his body was craving electrolytes after a bout of strenuous exercise. Blue powerade has long been known […]
