Razor Makes Himself Unavailable For Olympic Selection
PRIORITIES.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson announced today that he would not be vying for selection in New Zealand’s breaking team this year, despite being one of the highest profile breakdancers this country has to offer.
REPORT: 90% Of Kiwis Agree That Winter Can Go Away Now
THAT’S ENOUGH FROM YOU.
In a poll conducted this week asking kiwis what they thought about winter this year, 910 out of a thousand said it can “go away” to varying degrees.
Golriz Surprised By Criminal Conviction After Being Caught Multiple Times On Video Committing Large Scale Theft
DISCHARGE DENIED.
Former Green Party MP Golriz Ghahraman has left Auckland District Court in a confused state this afternoon.
Man Confused By Wife’s Sudden Interest In State Of Origin
IS THERE A MRS WALSH?
Sam Kennedy, 34, had always believed his wife Libby had absolutely zero interest in rugby league, and perhaps sport in general.
Kiwi Gets Behind Queensland To Escape The Brutal Reality Of Being A Warriors Fan
UP THE MAROONS.
Jason Mitchell, a long-suffering fan of the New Zealand Warriors, has decided to temporarily switch his allegiance to the Queensland Maroons for tonight’s State of Origin Game 2.
Woman With Stressful Job Glad She Doesn’t Have To Attend Sentencing For Repeated Retail Theft
MEETINGS NOT COURT HEARINGS.
Emily Larson, a high-level executive at a finance firm in Wellington’s CBD, finds solace in the fact that her daily grind keeps her far away from the legal troubles recently faced by former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman.
Luxon Gives Up On Defence Force Plane And Opts For Eagle At Wellington Airport
FLYING IN STYLE.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon is likely to turn a few heads on his next overseas trip, after finally giving up on his decrepit Defence Force plane, and going with something he believes would be more reliable.
Blues Give Rest Of New Zealand Another Valid Reason To Hate Auckland
SUPER CITY.
As if most of New Zealand didn’t already have enough reasons to hate and/or be annoyed by the region of Auckland and everyone in it, the Blues have just won the Super Rugby final, thrashing the Chiefs 41-10.
Leo DiCaprio To Star In Picton-Based Titanic Sequel
THE PICTON PREDICAMENT.
Leonardo DiCpario is set to star in the long-awaited sequel to Titanic, this time based on the recent maritime misadventure of the Interislander ferry Aratere, which heroically ran aground near Picton last night.
REPORT: No One Outside Of Auckland Supporting Blues This Saturday
CHIEFS MANA
As the Blues prepare to face off against the Chiefs this weekend, it has become apparent that support for the Auckland-based team extends as far as the city’s outer suburbs and then sharply drops off a cliff.
