Mediocre Best-Man Speech Concludes With Half-Arsed Appeal For Audience To Raise Their Glasses
“LET’S RAISE OUR GLASSES”.
Auckland man Jacob Gregg, 31, has delivered what can only be described as a profoundly average best-man speech at the wedding of his longtime mate Lucas Griffiths today.
Bloke Who Scoffed At Colleagues Taking Friday Off, Now Sitting Viciously Hungover At Desk
HOLIDAY HANGOVER.
Logan Renney, 28, is paying the ultimate price this morning.
The Auckland property valuer was adamant earlier this week that anyone taking today off was “soft as hell” and just looking for an excuse to milk a four-day weekend.
Wellington Commuters Enjoying Reduced Congestion Due To Less Jobs To Get To
SILVER LININGS.
Times are tough and people are hurting, but some fortunate Wellingtonians are looking on the bright side this morning.
Luka Dončić Reaches Out To Christian Cullen To Come To Terms With Not Being Wanted
BETRAYAL.
NBA superstar Luka Dončić has reportedly reached out to former All Blacks fullback Christian Cullen in an effort to process the unthinkable—being cast aside while still in his prime.
Millennial Parent Disgusted To Find Out There Are Over A Thousand Pokemon Now
BACK IN MY DAY.
35 year old father of two, Oliver Barnes almost spat his coffee this morning, after finding out that ‘Pokemon’, one of his childhood favourites, has been ‘degraded and cheapened to an alarming degree’.
Woman Forced To Choose Between Subscriptions And Sustenance As Mum Cancels Netflix
TO EAT, OR BINGE?
Amanda Peacock’s stomach is grumbling this evening after she decided that another episode of ‘Missing You’ was worth missing a meal.
“Just Look At That Would Ya” Says Man For The Tenth Time While Admiring Own Lawn
EYE CANDY.
Dave Nixon, 38, from Christchurch, has spent the better part of his Saturday afternoon pacing back and forth in his front yard.
‘It’s Been A Long Week, Hasn’t It?’ Says Man Subtly Attempting To Rally The Troops For Work Drinks
LIQUID MOTIVATION.
Ben Bayliss, 28, of Christchurch, was not in a mood to let anyone finish their Friday and just go straight home after work.
Local Teen Helps With Teacher Shortage By Wagging School
ANYTHING TO SUPPORT THE EDUCATORS.
One conscientious kid is today patting herself on the back, having alleviated Aotearoa’s teacher shortage by skipping school altogether.
Chris Luxon Pressing Pharmac To Fund Treatment For Tall Poppy Syndrome
NO KNOWN CURE.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has a tall order for New Zealand’s Crown subsidiser of pharmaceutical products this week.
