MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement
RETURN OF THE KING.
Prime Minister Replaces NCEA Food Tech With High-Pressure Speed Cooking Exam
NEED FOR SPEED.
Revolutionary New School Exams Will Give Students Scores Based On Their Performance
WILD CONCEPT.
Essential TV Programme That Everyone Watches Thankfully Saved By Taxpayers
PHEW, THAT WAS CLOSE.
Hungover Waste Of Space Consumes 12 Mini Sausage Rolls At Nephew’s 3rd Birthday Party
MMM, HOW GOOD.
Craft Beer Guy Tweets The Flavours He’s Detecting After Being Ignored In Real Life
HAZY BOY HURT.
Local Bloke Would Rather Be Hit By Tsunami Than Get Another Civil Defence Alert
WAVE OF WARNINGS.
“I’m On My Way” Text Sent From Woman Still Towel-Drying In Bathroom
DECEPTION.
National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy
CRUNCH TIME.
Local Man Uses Craft Beer Tee Shirt As Foundation For Personality
SOLID STARTING POINT.
