Tomorrow’s Third Division Rugby Game Last Thing On Player’s Mind Tonight
WILL SWEAT IT OUT TOMORROW.
Mike Jenkins, a 28 year-old third division rugby player from Christchurch, had no qualms knocking back his third beer of the afternoon.
Unlucky Public Servant Has Voluntary Redundancy Application Turned Down
UNLUGGY.
Warren Cartwright, an actively disengaged employee at the Ministry for the Environment, suffered a major setback today.
Christchurch Matches On Tinder Now Autofill Chat With “What School Did You Go To?”
REPUTATION ROMANCE.
Millie Golding, a 24-year-old former student of Rangiruru Girls High School, was thrilled to discover that Tinder had finally caught on to what really mattered in Christchurch – which school you went to.
Local Idiot Rewatches Beauden Barrett’s 2015 World Cup Try Against Australia Without The New Zealand Commentary
NOT THE SAME.
31 year old Palmerston North man, Harris Oldman, was struck today by a thought that he has at least once a year, which was to go to Youtube and look up Beauden Barrett’s try against Australia in the 2015 World Cup final.
Man With Family To Feed And Bills To Pay Goes To Work As Usual
NO WORRIES
Local New Zealander of various family backgrounds, Adam Smith, had a stock standard day today.
Massive Own Goal As Man Picks Up Burger And Chips On Way Home From Gym
ALL FOR NOTHING.
Local gym bro Kayden Walker, 23, had egg on his face today, and that’s not including the egg that slid out of the side of his burger.
Crusaders Coach Reveals New Plan To Call Thomas Mead A C*** Before Every Game
WINNING FORMULA.
Crusaders coach Rob Penney has announced his intention to verbally assault 1News journalist Thomas Mead before every Crusaders game, as part of the team’s preparation.
LinkedIn Bloke’s New “Open To Work” Banner Definitely Doesn’t Stink Of Desperation
OPEN AND TRANSPARENT.
IT architect and prolific LinkedIn bloke, Sergio Mendez is pleased he took the plunge and slapped a big green “Open to work” banner on his profile pic.
Reporter Misses Memo About Only Asking Crusaders Coach Nice Questions
GOING OFF SCRIPT.
1News reporter Thomas Mead wasn’t meaning to catch Crusaders coach Rob Penney off guard yesterday.
CRUSHING IT: Public Service Superstar Collects Enough Manager Signoffs To Actually Start On Some Work
DESTINED FOR GREATNESS.
Annabelle Robinson, a rising star at the Ministry of Business Innovation and Employment (MBIE), has absolutely smashed it at work this week.
