Blues Give Rest Of New Zealand Another Valid Reason To Hate Auckland
SUPER CITY.
As if most of New Zealand didn’t already have enough reasons to hate and/or be annoyed by the region of Auckland and everyone in it, the Blues have just won the Super Rugby final, thrashing the Chiefs 41-10.
Leo DiCaprio To Star In Picton-Based Titanic Sequel
THE PICTON PREDICAMENT.
Leonardo DiCpario is set to star in the long-awaited sequel to Titanic, this time based on the recent maritime misadventure of the Interislander ferry Aratere, which heroically ran aground near Picton last night.
REPORT: No One Outside Of Auckland Supporting Blues This Saturday
CHIEFS MANA
As the Blues prepare to face off against the Chiefs this weekend, it has become apparent that support for the Auckland-based team extends as far as the city’s outer suburbs and then sharply drops off a cliff.
COST OF LIVING CRISIS: Bloke Channels His Inner Student With Two Minute Noodles And Cold House
AND DOUBLE BROWN.
In an effort to weather the storm that is the cost of living crisis, 29 year old customer service operator Kevin Campbell has been stripping back his opulent lifestyle, which was normally full of luxuries like nutritious food and a heated home.
Melancholy Millennial Spends Third Consecutive Day on Sofa
WINTER BLUES?
Local socialite Gemma Aspen has just clocked her 72nd hour of laying on the communal couch, raising concerns among flatmates that Seasonal Affective Disorder may be to blame.
Man Comes To One Training And One Game And Is Never Seen Again
AWOL
Wellington club rugby coach Craig Briggs was getting a sense of deja vu this season.
Previously Very Confident Hurricanes Fan Mysteriously Absent From Group Chat
VANISHING ACT.
Daryl Macaskill, a die-hard Hurricanes fan from Porirua, has been mysteriously absent from his mates Facebook group chat since the weekend.
Fed Up Office Worker Once Again Googles “How To Make Money Online”
PASSIVE INCOME.
Hunter Donaldson, 25, found himself in an all too familiar situation at work today, as he once again realised the harsh reality of his admin job at the Ministry of Education.
Delusional One Eyed Cantab Claims To Have Tickets To “Tonight’s Crusaders Semifinal”
SEE YOU THERE!
With the Super Rugby Pacific semifinals underway this weekend, one thing is for certain, the Crusaders are in no way involved.
Former Colleagues Run Into Each Other In Town, Agree To Have Coffee Sometime, And Then Never Do
NEED A CATCH UP.
Career-focused Wellingtonians Mitch Connor and Logan Larsen were not expecting to run into each other today, despite Lambton Quay being commonly filled with lunch time foot traffic.
