Wellington City Council Reveals Plans For Much-Needed Second Bucket Fountain
FINALLY!
After years of Wellingtonians complaining about failing infrastructure in the CBD, Wellington City Council has at last listened to ratepayers.
PERSONAL TOUCH: Andrew Bayly Launches New Business Offering An ‘Angry Massage’
NO, YOU RELAX!
After an “animated discussion” turned handsy, National MP Andrew Bayly is now pivoting into a new venture. His new Wellington-based business, Angry Massage Co, is a bespoke wellness service that promises to “work out your knots with a personal touch of anger.”
Caleb Clarke Tries Outrunning Opposition For Once Instead Of Going Straight Through Them
NEED FOR SPEED.
All Blacks winger Caleb Clarke has surprised rugby analysts and fans by attempting a radical new strategy: evasion.
REPORT: Auckland Better Than Wellington Not Just In Football But In General
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY.
The age-old debate over which city reigns supreme was once again put to bed on Saturday night, as Auckland FC ruthlessly dismantled the Wellington Phoenix 6-1 at Go Media Stadium.
Clean Living Wellness Guru Puts Values On Pause So She Can Take Drugs At Electric Ave
HOLISTIC HYPOCRISY.
Hannah Davies, a self-proclaimed wellness guru who regularly preaches the benefits of clean living, organic eating, and spiritual alignment, has temporarily shelved her core beliefs in order to get absolutely sideways at Christchurch’s Electric Avenue festival.
Bloke Who’s ‘Snowed Under With Work’’ Somehow Finds Six Hours A Week To Fine-Tune Fantasy Rugby Side
TIME WIZARD.
Despite repeatedly telling friends he’s “snowed under with work”, 31-year-old Christchurch financial adviser Matt Peters has somehow managed to carve out six hours a week to tinker with his Super Rugby Pacific fantasy team.
Swarbrick Cops It At Green Party Fines Session After Forgetting To Wash The Team Kit
OOH THAT’S A BIG ONE.
Green Party co-leader Chloe Swarbrick absolutely copped it at the fines session today, after forgetting it was her turn to wash the dirty keffiyehs for the team.
Business Confidence Improves But Confidence In Betting On The Warriors Remains Steadily Low
UP THE WAHS.
While some financial analysts and everyday New Zealanders are eager to praise today’s Reserve Bank OCR cut, there’s an undeniable sentiment on the streets.
Woman Who Drinks Multiple Energy Drinks, Coffee, Unsure Why She’s Continually Crashing At End Of The Day
BAFFLING.
Despite consuming a daily cocktail of sugar, caffeine, and artificial stimulants, 29-year-old Hamilton woman Stacey Duff remains completely baffled as to why she feels like she’s been hit by a truck by 5:30 p.m.
Slogan To Attract Australian Tourists Changed To “Everyone Must Go Except For You David Warner”
NOT ALL AUSSIES.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has made a last minute change to the country’s latest advertising campaign to attract more Australian holiday makers to our shores.
