IShowSpeed Snubs Prime Minister By Doing Backflip Over Him
THE LUXON LEAP
IShowSpeed has taken New Zealand by storm this week in a whirlwind tour that has left Kiwis both baffled and bemused.
RAZOR’S WISHLIST: Scott Robertson Asks Santa For Enough Japanese Yen To Buy Back Richie Mo’unga
SLEIGH FULL OF YEN.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson was spotted perched on Santa’s knee at Christchurch’s Northlands Mall today, clutching a handwritten wishlist. Top of the list: “Enough Japanese yen to buy Richie Mo’unga back.”
Christchurch Newcomer Desperately Joins Multiple Social Clubs To Compensate For Zero Local School History
SCHOOLING THE SYSTEM.
Sophie Cooper, a happy go-lucky go-getter had no idea her lack of Christchurch school history would leave her on the fringes of the city’s social circles.
Patch Ban Extended To Include Logos Of Expensive Cross Fit Gyms
CRACK DOWN CONTINUES.
Sophie Campbell, a 27-year-old CrossFit enthusiast, found herself in hot water today after unwittingly becoming one of the first people targeted under New Zealand’s newly enacted gang patch ban.
REINVIGORATING THE CAPITAL: Wellington Mayor Secretly Hoped Hikoi Would Turn Into Three Week Stay
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY GUTTED.
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau is reportedly heartbroken after the hikoi that swept through the capital this week wrapped up in a single day.
BIG TURNOUT: Executives At TVNZ Consulting David Seymour On How To Attract An Audience
VIEWERS ON DEMAND.
TVNZ executives have reportedly turned to the unlikeliest of consultants to help with their ratings woes – ACT Party leader David Seymour.
Seymour Set To Revitalise Wellington Hospo Industry By Attracting 30,000 Visitors To The Capital
FULL STEAM AHEAD!
ACT leader David Seymour is being cheered by Wellington cafe and bar owners today, as tomorrow’s hikoi into the city is likely to provide a much needed boost to small businesses.
RICCARTON RACES: Woman’s Flawless Race Day Pic Doesn’t Capture The Fact She Was Quietly Steamed At 8:11am
FULLY SENDING IT.
Christchurch woman Loren Ashley, 26, appeared the picture of elegance in her latest Instagram post, posing at the Riccarton Races in a stunning dress, matching fascinator, and meticulously applied makeup.
Local Woman Finishes Criminal Law Degree Only To Find Out It’s Not The Same As The Crime Podcasts She Listens To
QUITE DIFFERENT.
Alice Hipkins, a 25 year old financial advisor from Christchurch, revealed today that she is actually qualified to practise criminal law, something that has absolutely nothing to do with giving people advice about their mortgages.
Public Servant Lights Up Group Hui By Asking “Will These Slides Be Made Available Afterwards?”
INSTANT IMPACT.
Senior HR advisor Amy Dalton may have switched off halfway through this morning’s group hui, but that wasn’t going to stop her from making a massive impact late in the piece.
