GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL
Morgan Dellman, a chronically laid back 30 year old from Dunedin, has just realised he’s made a drastic miscalculation in his entry into fatherhood.
Dellman has naturally done no prep work over the last nine months, and is now scrambling for useful information about how to look after his new daughter Jade, who was literally born yesterday.
“I’m just googling stuff as each new thing comes up. Got the nappy change sorted, got a bit of a technique going. Probably the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done, but I guess I’d better get used to it,” he said positively.
Dellman never thought he’d be casting his queries over the entire internet and hoping for the best. He had actually been banking on the idea that the popular kiwi Youtube channel, How to Dad would have all the essential, practical advice he needed in one place.
“It’s called “How To Dad” right? I’ve only ever heard about it, but never watched it. I just thought this would be where I’d go to find out how to look after my child.
“I thought it would be really good, like essential stuff, with a bit of light hearted humour. But it’s really just more of a comedy thing, not really that helpful at all,” he said, clearly disappointed by the Youtube channel, even though he should have been disappointed in himself.
Meanwhile, Dellman’s wife Josie has made the decision that baby Jade will be wearing reusable cloth nappies instead of disposable ones. Dellman foolishly believes that this choice will be fine.
“Saves money on nappies right? Just gotta wash them, how bad could it be?” he asked rhetorically, having no idea what horrors he’s signed up for.
“Well Jordan Watson’s been no help at all, so I guess I’m stuck with searching the whole internet for practical advice”.
More to come.
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