GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
EARNING BACK TRUST
Legacy media outlet Stuff has proudly unveiled its latest strategy to win back the public’s confidence: dropping a solid “c-bomb” into every article, regardless of subject matter, tone, or relevance.
The bold new direction comes after Political Journalist of the year Andrea Vance made headlines by calling senior female government ministers “c****” in a Sunday Star-Times column — a moment that has since been reframed by Stuff as “a powerful trust-building exercise.”
“We saw the public’s reaction to Andrea’s language and thought — hang on, maybe this is the authenticity we’ve been missing,” said a Stuff editorial spokesperson, wearing a freshly-designed rainbow lanyard.
Now, under the new guidelines, all reporters must find a way to work the c-word into every story, even if they’re writing about a missing cat or a new farmer’s market.
“Tone is irrelevant,” confirmed the spokesperson. “What matters is cutting through. New Zealanders say they want realness, and we’re prepared to go full Martyn Bradbury to give it to them.”
This linguistic Hail Mary comes just weeks after the latest AUT Trust in News report showed only 32% of Kiwis trust the news media. Rather than reflect on the damage caused by years of condescending, biased coverage, Stuff has decided that offensive swear words are probably the solution.
Sources say the new style guide includes helpful tips like:
- “If you can’t work it into a quote, just throw it in the intro paragraph.”
- “Use as a noun, verb, or adjective — versatility is key!”
- “If in doubt, blame context.”
Not everyone’s convinced. Former readers have called the move “embarrassing,” “pathetic,” and “a bold shift towards being one of many independently unhinged blogs of the left.”
Stuff maintains this is all part of a strategic pivot to connect with “younger audiences,” though many suspect the real target is anyone left who still remembers how journalism used to work.
More to come.
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