ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
BENCH BATTLE
Tensions are boiling over in a central-city Christchurch flat this week as Jake Wilkes continues to test the limits of human patience by leaving a small mountain of weekend dishes on the kitchen bench.
“I honestly thought he meant after dinner, not after a week,” groaned flatmate Emma Thompson, gesturing helplessly at a teetering tower of plates with food scraps on them, mugs, and general rubbish.
Another flatmate, Jay Patel, described the situation as “emotionally draining.” “We tried gentle reminders through the Facebook group chat, such as, “Hi guys, whose dishes are these? They’ve just been here a while.” fully knowing they were Jake’s.
Jake then defended his inaction, claiming he had “just been so busy” and that “after dinner” is a flexible term. When pressed about the looming standoff, he shrugged. “I thought if I let them sit, maybe they’d just disappear somehow.”
The flatmates are holding an emergency meeting tonight to decide whether to wash the dishes themselves or put them outside his door to make a point. Jake meanwhile has remained pretty relaxed about the whole situation.
“I considered doing them myself, but then I realized someone else might enjoy the simple joy of cleaning. Like what’s the big deal, they aren’t hurting anyone. If anyone feels that strongly about cleanliness, they can always take matters into their own hands.”
More to come.
