Golriz Resigns, All Those Missing Pens Return

Golriz in stationery cupboard with missing green pens



The resignation of Greens MP, Golriz Ghahraman, has seen more than 1,000 branded pens returned to Green Party headquarters today, solving a mystery that had been hanging over the party for months.

Back in July 2023, former policy intern, Hannah Brent, had been tasked with ordering all the logo-clad clobber the Greens planned on giving away in the lead-up to the parliamentary election. Among the mass-produced merch were 1,000 biodegradable ballpoint pens, made with paper and recycled plastic, filled with eco-friendly ink, and shipped all the way from India. 

“The shopping list was big, but I distinctly remember the pens. I remember them because I wondered, ‘who would want these?’ recalled Brent, with furrowed brow.

Brent’s questions about the desirability of the party-branded eco pens remained unanswered: shortly after the shipment of logo-laden loot arrived at Green headquarters, the ballpoints had bounced and Hannah did too.

With tears in her eyes, Hannah reports, “when my supervisor found out the pens were missing, I was stood down from my internship. But I knew they were there – they had to be.”

Six months on, the resignation of serial shoplifter, Golriz Ghahraman, has brought with it the return of all 1,000 pens. Unused, there is speculation the stylish stationery may have been a gateway theft for the former justice spokesperson..

Brent was unconcerned by Ghahraman’s role in the pen heist and was instead feeling vindicated. “My supervisor rang me this afternoon and invited me back to headquarters. I’m so relieved that I can finally get my political career back on track.”

While the investigation into Gahraham’s shopping habits seems to be growing, the Whakataki Times is pleased to report that at least one case has been closed today.

More to come. 

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