GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
GIVEN UP ON REALITY
Labour leader Chris Hipkins, who has already been prime minister, is apparently still keen to get back in the hot seat after announcing free public transport for everybody.
Undeterred by claims by the evil Coalition that this is just a “lolly scramble”, Hipkins believes this could be the best Labour result since 2020.
“In 2020, we only had one policy, and that was one extra public holiday. And it was Matariki, so everyone felt great about it because it was Maori,” he told reporters.
“This time round, it’s capped public transport fees. Everyone will love it, everyone will vote for it. Don’t ask me what it costs because I don’t know and it’s not even relevant at this point.”
Under the Labour policy, once you spend $20 on trains or buses, you’ll get unlimited free travel for the rest of the week. Which should be absolutely fine and have no unintended consequences.
“In politics, it’s not about what you do. It’s about what you say you’ll do. If people vote for free trains and buses and something goes wrong with that, well the public voted for it so it’s hardly going to be my fault,” said Hipkins as he reached for his handy 600 mL coke.
When pushed on how much this would all cost, Hipkins was philosophical.
“Well you know they say there’s no such thing as a free lunch. But under Labour, if you’re in Wellington and you’ve already spent $20 on trains by Wednesday, then you’ll get free rides until Sunday night,” he said before apparently heading towards an open bakery for a giant sausage roll.
While some say Hipkins and Labour have run out of ideas, other say they’ve just stopped giving a f***. The one thing that is clear is that it’s election season, and the most important thing for all these people is getting elected.
More to come.
