Hipkins Disappears Into Rural China To Start New Life Away From Troublesome Cabinet Ministers

hipkins farming and thinking about ministers

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics

RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS PROBLEMS

Prime Minister Chris “Chippy” Hipkins was supposed to hop on a flight home to New Zealand today, after a week-long trip dedicated to maintaining our trade relationship with China. However he appears to have gone missing in the vast rural area of the country, where he is apparently starting a new life as a farm hand. 

Sources close to Hipkins who were with him on the trip say that the “ginga from the Hutt” is trying to escape Labour’s Kiri Allen, the latest in a growing list of problem-ministers he doesn’t want to have to deal with.

The media have reported numerous accounts of unprofessional behaviour from Ms. Allen, the latest of which includes her tendency to “yell and scream” at people. Based on how things have unravelled for other Labour ministers, including Michael Wood, Stuart Nash and Meka Whaitiri, we have to assume that this is only the tip of the iceberg. 

“The Prime Minister has been making a few worrying side comments lately, since the news came back about Minister Allen,” said an anonymous public servant who knows for a fact that Kiri Allen is a nightmare.  

“A couple of times he would say something like ‘oh it would be nice to just live a simple life out of the public eye’, or ‘gee China’s big, I could just disappear if I wanted to’”. 

The bureaucrat detailed Chippy’s reaction to the questions he’s had about Allen. “When he got these questions, he looked like he’d lost his will to live. He just started muttering to himself ‘I’m going to run away and work on a rice farm and all those useless idiots can sort themselves out’”, he said. 

“So basically we think he’s working on a rice farm somewhere and doesn’t want to be found”.

More to come. 

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