Impressive and Touching Best Man’s Speech Reeks of ChatGPT

best man giving speech at wedding with ChatGPT in foreground

WARREN SLOUGH – Culture

ARTIFICIAL ELOQUENCE

A best man’s speech at a recent wedding has left attendees wondering if it was generated by none other than the ChatGPT. The speech, delivered by Donovan Woodham, a mate of the groom, was hailed as “impressive and touching” by some, but others couldn’t shake the feeling that the words stunk of artificial intelligence.

The wedding, held in a picturesque vineyard in Hawke’s Bay, saw Woodham captivate his audience with tales of the groom’s misadventures and triumphs. While many expected the usual mix of embarrassing anecdotes and heartfelt sentiments, there was an uncanny precision to Woodham’s words that left guests questioning their authenticity.

One guest, who wished to remain anonymous, commented, “I mean, Donovan’s never been this eloquent in his life. It’s like he swallowed a thesaurus or something. And the way he seamlessly wove in those references to ‘the beauty of human connection’ and ‘the fragility of life’ – it’s just not the Donovan we know.”

The suspicion that ChatGPT, the language model created by OpenAI, played a role in crafting the speech grew stronger as the best man delved into philosophical musings about love, friendship, and the “impermanence of existence”. Attendees couldn’t help but think that the speech was profound-sounding but ultimately didn’t make a lot of sense.

“He said a lot of words, but, he actually said sweet f*** all. Worst speech of 2024…and we’re only in January,” said groomsman, Jim Wright, who controversially missed out on the best man gig, despite knowing the groom since primary school.

When confronted about the uncharacteristic eloquence of his speech, Woodham profusely denied any involvement of artificial intelligence. “Mate, I just wanted to do justice to my best mate on his big day. I read a couple of self-help books for inspiration, that’s all.” 

When quizzed about his failed attempt at NCEA level 2 English, Woodham refused to comment.

More to come.

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