GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
SECRET SHAME
A Lower Hutt father has confessed to a guilty pleasure that he has carefully kept hidden from his wife and children.
Mark Jamieson, 35, says that when the bathroom is empty, he sometimes puts aside his normal Macleans Whitening adult toothpaste and reaches for the Bluey branded one meant for his two and four-year-old sons.
“It started as a joke, just to see what it tasted like,” he whispered. “But now I find myself sneaking a brush with it late at night. I wait until everyone’s gone to bed, then I pull out the Bluey tube.
“My little secret,” he said with a weird wink.
Jamieson says the bubblegum-flavoured paste is far more exciting than the boring freshmint stuff adults routinely put up with. “It’s sweet and it gets the job done, honestly I don’t know why this stuff’s only for kids.”
Asked if his wife Anna knows about this habit, he shook his head. “Nah mate, I wouldn’t hear the end of it. She already gets annoyed when I eat the kids’ Tiny Teddies. Imagine if she knew I’d been working through their toothpaste too.”
The father of two has even developed strategies to cover his tracks. He carefully wipes the cap clean, squeezes the tube from the bottom like nothing’s happened, and makes sure to leave it sitting in the exact same place on the bathroom shelf.
“I’ve always heard that toothpaste doesn’t even do most of the cleaning anyway,” he reasoned. “It’s the brushing motion that matters. So what’s the harm if Dad gets a bit of Bluey in his life?”
Jamieson admitted the guilt does weigh on him. “Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror afterwards and wonder what I’ve become. But then I taste that bubblegum flavour and the shame quickly fades.”
At the time of writing, the Bluey tube was already running noticeably low.
More to come.
