Local Woman Who Can’t Keep A Pot Plant Alive Now Talking About Getting Chickens



Aro Valley 25-year-old Lauren Randall has frightened her friend today by suggesting that she would like to be responsible for looking after “a couple of chickens”. 

The claim comes as New Zealanders experience an increase in the supermarket price of eggs, leading many to start thinking outside the box. Randall’s half-baked thought of course was that she would raise chickens and therefore have an endless supply of the pantry staple. 

Randall was filled with confidence in her ability to pull off the undertaking of small-scale animal farming, despite her history of being unable to remember to water her past four pot plants, killing all of them. 

Ruth Bogle, a friend and animal lover, is currently terrified by the idea of Ms. Randall attempting to look after an animal. “I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need to call someone, maybe the SPCA? Can you report people to the SPCA for thinking about getting animals that they will definitely end up neglecting?

“She mentioned the chicken idea to me yesterday. I didn’t sleep at all that night,” said a visibly tired Bogle. 

Randall on the other hand is full of optimism, and was seen surfing Trademe looking at all the different types of chickens she could purchase. “Ooh look at this one, it’s so fluffy! It’ll be so cute to have chickens at home, and we’ll never have to buy eggs again!” she said.

“Why doesn’t everyone just get chickens? I mean, it’s like free eggs! So easy!” she exclaimed, clearly signalling that she had not done a single minute of research into how to actually care for poultry. 

“What? You just feed them right? Apart from that, they just look after themselves. It’s not much different than looking after a plant,” she said while consciously not looking over at the four dead pot plants in the corner of her lounge. 

If you know someone who kills plants but thinks they can raise animals, please don’t hesitate to call the SPCA now. 

More to come.

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