Man Attends Meditation Session Instead Of Addressing Long List Of Personal Deficiencies

man meditating in zen garden.



Auckland based sales rep Simon Chadwell has tried just about everything to relieve the stress of this modern world. He has learnt how to breathe mindfully, take time out to bathe in nature, and has now just completed his second meditation course. 

Despite all this, the single 35 year old is reportedly still feeling stressed, anxious and generally dissatisfied. Chadwell, who loves fast food, alcohol and adult videos most nights of the week, cannot for the life of him work out why he isn’t happy.  

“I’ve tried everything! I’ve become a master of mindful breathing and meditation and can enter deep states of consciousness. But then when I get back to the real world, things just go back to how they were,” explained the man who has not been hitting his sales targets this year. 

“Feels like I’m stuck in a rut, you know? I’m doing all the right things, making time for me, treating myself etc etc. These are all the things that the top wellbeing influencers are saying I should be doing.

“I mean, lots of the people I follow are talking about exercise and healthy eating too, but that’s not for everyone, you know? I think the mindfulness, breathwork and self-care is more suited to me. Everyone’s different,” he explained, appearing as if he may even start his own wellbeing social channel. 

As the chronic over-eater swiped through Tinder looking for another meaningless fling to distract himself from reality, he touched on what his vision looked like for one day finding ‘the one’ and settling down. “I’m still young, you know? 35 is the new 25, so why tie myself down when I’m having such a good time?

“Mrs Right will come along when I least expect it, but not anytime too soon. Still got plenty of time for all of that.”

More to come.

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