KASSIE MACKAY | Culture
WHERE’S THE ROMANCE?!
In a Whakataki Times investigative series, our reporters are uncovering the harrowing stories behind the male loneliness epidemic. As the first part of that series, our reporters sat down for an exclusive interview with up-and-coming Sales Manager, Patrick Smelton.
Smelton, aged 32, has reached the 52nd day of a painful dry spell with long-time girlfriend, Caroline Prebble.
Speaking from the apartment they share, Smelton revealed the pain he is enduring as a result of his girlfriend’s constant claim that she is “too tired” for sex.
“She keeps telling me that she does enough round the house without having to get me off too, but I dunno what that’s supposed to mean!” Smelton lamented as he gazed out the crystal clear glass of his living room windows, the smell of Windex in the air.
Smelton explained that he and Caroline once shared an active and healthy romantic relationship which, on occasion, got him in trouble.
“I actually used to skip work so we could bang, I ended up on a disciplinary…but those days are gone…”
As Smelton’s voice trailed off, the sound of a tumble dryer whirred in the distance. But the pitiful, peaceful scene of the interview was soon interrupted by the sound of Prebble, interjecting from the island bench.”
“Patrick stop telling people I won’t shag you and come and get your dinner!”
The interview was cut short. But not without time for one final remark from Smelton: “I think we put too much on women these days. What can we do to make them less tired, and leave more room for love?”
More to come.
